It’s been a few months since I noticed the increasingly deep and sharp pain in my wrist. At first, I pushed through it, gave everything I had to give in each massage, but began noticing how and when my wrist angle was at anything other than the ideal, neutral. Not at neutral was my position more often than not. Knowing this was a problem, I attempted to work through it. Adjusting, changing, and breaking habits always takes conscious thought and time.
In order to prevent swelling and speed the healing process, each day after work I’d fill the sink with ice and water and submerge both hands. Up to my elbows in ice water, suffering the frigid cold, I’d stay until discomfort was too great, towel off and warm up only to do it three or four more times. I thought I was doing what I could and that my wrists would hold up fine, as they always have.
It was on a day without a massage to give that I noticed I could not comfortably brush my teeth, pick up the full tea kettle, pour it, or push on anything. Somehow my wrist had gone from sore to almost useless and very, very sore. This was bad. This was what they warned us about over and over in massage school.
As is usually the case, I went through the various stages of “how could this be” and “but I was doing everything right.” Eventually I got to “oh, maybe I do need a break and to make some changes.” I’m sure I only got there because I physically couldn’t continue the way I had been going. Pain would not let me.
I was sure that I’d be back at work in no time. How silly of me.
At first I just kept doing everything I would normally do with my hands, as much as possible. Everything hurt me. Soon enough it was apparent that I was making my wrist worse. Aggravation and irritation crept into everything I attempted to do with my hands- which all of a sudden seemed like everything I ever do- ever- required a functional, non-pained wrist. Anger welled up. I’m sure I directed it at everyone in sight. The apologetic stage was quick to follow and somehow I had a wonderful thought about the connection between keeping a neutral wrist and keeping a neutral mind. Not reacting to situations and events as either good or bad, staying neutral, and letting life unfold gives space and perspective to any happening. I had been so angry about my pain and shortcomings, I had been creating unhappiness for those around me. Pain was teaching me how to live without judgement.
It’s amazing how easily we take our bodies for granted. When all of a sudden you can’t do everything you once did, you realize how much you had and also how much you still have. Something so small was my big problem. How lucky I am. Pain was reminding me to live each moment with gratitude.
I slowed down. I chose my movements and daily activities more carefully. I decided which wrist intensive chores were most important to me. Not surprisingly, mopping, vacuuming, scrubbing the tub, and carrying heavy grocery bags happened less than making dinner for my family. Also, I enlisted my left wrist, which is also sore, but not nearly as damaged as my right, to do more. It’s a very strange sensation to brush one’s teeth with the non-dominant hand. I swear I could feel the tracts in my brain re-wiring as it took me five times as long to get it done. Pain required me to act and then think differently.
Filling the hours in a day when you’re not busy with work is not so easy after a few weeks. I’ve read more books in the last three months than I have in the last three years. (Not counting textbooks.) These books have brought me laughter and tears, given me hope, information, and inspired my creativity. Pain caused me to do something I love, to read, purely for myself. Now I have more to share.
Lately, I’ve had more alone time to think about life and what is important to me, more opportunities to practice patience than I can count, more time connecting with my family, and more time to reflect. This introversion ultimately leads me to think about the world at large and the many people in it. So many, with so little, carrying more pain than I will ever know, living lives of compassion, sincerity, and service to their communities. Pain is teaching me about compassion.
As I write this, my wrist is improving. Gradually, I expect my strained tendons and ligaments will heal. I look forward to giving massages again soon and in the meantime hope to cultivate and grow in the many lessons of pain. ”Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~M. Kathleen Casey
Wishing you great warmth this winter,
Anna
Are you tense? Do you have pain? Want to feel better? Massage therapy is the answer. Here are just a few benefits of massage according to the world renowned Mayo Clinic:
